Starting to worry about your legal rights?
With every agent I keep getting in fights,
Fights dumb and fights weird, ambiguous and sterile,
About whether I can walk the streets without peril,
Or my right to breathe the same air as the prez,
And in my cups opine about what he says.
.
The other day at the mall I got stopped by ICE,
Who thought I might harbor an Hispanic slice,
"I only speak Spanish," said I to their mugs,
"And teach college students amidst yawns and shrugs.
I just told a student a verb conjugation,"
And displayed my phone for their delectation.
.
"Sounded like leftist propaganda for sure,"
Said one with a sneer and military coiffure,
"Did you cheer or not when Maduro got nabbed?"
"Oh, I went to my class and ecstatically blabbed,"
I replied, figuring I'd better play ball.
"Small rations and hard beds for Nic' and his thrall."
.
Well, I got out of that one, but the very next day,
A National Guard looked over my lunch tray,
And wondered thickly why I'd passed up the pork,
Taken the chick' nuggets and a spoon but no fork,
"You one of these sleeper-cell Islamic types?
"Hiding your guns and anti-American gripes?"
.
"What? Gripes with America? Surely you just jest!
The cook does a fine chicken Bearnaise-sauce blessed,
Hence the spoon to take a scoop large but tidy."
"Bearnaise? That sounds French! Lemme see some i.d."
He termed fake all my cards except one which impressed:
My Bears season tix, which passed his smell test.
.
So in these fraught times, my advice to you all
Is don't bother running from ICE guys on a trawl.
To escape their clutches show them why you live here:
MAGA fan, Hell's Angels crew, Walmart cashier,
You work in BlackRock or NRA branding,
Anything that proves you're a Yank in good standing.
