'Member I told you 'bout my future new cell
Made in China, sold by Egg Foo Yung Bell?
I bought it last month and possession would take
Later on in the week just after Spring Break,
But now I hear I must pony up anew,
For Xi and Don are tossing tariffs beaucoup.
.
Yup: now my new blower's not just a cool grand,
But a grand and a half more which I'm forced to hand
To Uncle Don's Treasury, whence it will wend
Its devious way to the front or back end
Of government plans to repair bridge and plaza,
Or pay for the beer at Donald Trump Gaza.
.
I thought cell tariffs had been 'liminated,
But the sales rep informed me, "No, just pro-rated.
The way it works now is you pay the full whack,
And then in a year, it depends on the tack
Taken in this sultry tariff-lovers tiff:
We refund your dough or you pay the diff'."
.
A pain in the backside, but I see his point:
That's life with a prez with his nose out of joint.
So what do I do? Pay two grand for my cell?
Hope that ol' Xi doesn't again Don repel?
Wow, I feel the pain of those guys on Wall Street:
One eye for the market, one for Don's tweet.
.
Guess I'll pay it, because I'm getting the best:
My new smartphone leaves in the dust all the rest.
It has enemy-aircraft and -drone detector,
And AI ghosting-girlfriend protector,
Fires off flame mail when by the boss I've been dissed,
And tells my chatbot when I need my ass kissed.
.
It can hear a pin drop from across the Grand Can',
And alerts me in case my date is a tran'.
I'll be the first to know where UFOs hover,
And the first to jump when stock markets recover.
But these up-and-down tariffs are sticks in my wheel,
Brought to us, yes, by that Artiste of the Deal.
